How To Turn Down A Boy When You Are Not Romantically Intreseted ?.

“CAN I get to know you better?” Have you ever had a young man ask you that question? As a young woman, you may have felt happy and flattered—even thrilled! On the other hand, you may have also felt so confused that you didn’t know what to say in reply.

When someone expresses romantic interest in you, it can unleash a wide range of emotions. This is especially true if you are old enough to get married and are thus in a position to respond to such attention! Even so, much of how you react will be influenced by who is asking the question. If he is an emotionally mature person and you find yourself attracted to him, your answer may be easy. What, though, if he clearly does not have the qualifications to make a suitable mate? Or what if, in spite of his possessing fine qualities, you are simply not interested in him?

Consider, too, the situation of a young woman who has dated someone for a while but has come to the realization that she does not want to spend the rest of her life with him. Instead of breaking things off, she continues going out with him. “How can I turn him down?” she asks.

When You Are Not Interested Romantically

Back in patriarchal times, people apparently married individuals whom their parents chose. (Genesis 24:2-4, 8) In Western lands most Christians are free to pick their own marriage mate. The Bible has one stipulation—that a Christian marry “only in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 7:39.

Does this mean that you should marry any fellow believer who expresses interest in you or whom you have dated for a short while? Well, consider the Bible example of a young country girl from the Middle Eastern village of Shunem. Solomon, her king, saw her and fell deeply in love with her. When he tried to pursue her, however, the young girl not only rejected him but also pleaded with the court women who waited on the king: “Try not to awaken or arouse love in me until it feels inclined.” (Song of Solomon 2:7) This wise maiden did not want others to try to pressure her into being swayed by emotion. She was simply not interested in Solomon romantically, for she was in love with a humble shepherd.

This teaches an important lesson for those considering marriage today: You cannot have romantic love for just anyone. So even after dating someone for a while, a young woman might find that she is not interested in him romantically. Perhaps her feelings are based on some observable weakness in the other person’s character. Or maybe she does not find herself attracted to him. It would be foolish to ignore such feelings. Merely ignoring them may not make them go away. “There were so many doubts in my mind about him,” said Tamara regarding the young man she was dating. “Not just little doubts but ones that really bothered me to the point of giving me a tense and nervous feeling when I was with him.” She later realized that because of these doubts, it was best to end the relationship.

Why It’s Hard to Say No

Still, turning a young man down may be easier said than done, you may be afraid of hurting him. Granted, we should be sensitive to the feelings of others. The Bible encourages Christians to ‘clothe themselves with the tender affections of compassion’ and to treat others as they would like to be treated. (Colossians 3:12; Matthew 7:12) Does this mean, though, that you should carry on a pretense simply so that you do not disappoint or hurt this young man? Sooner or later he will no doubt find out how you really feel, and your failing to be honest and postponing the moment of reckoning will only add to the pain. Even worse would be your marrying the young man simply because you feel sorry for him. Pity is a poor foundation on which to build a marriage.

Perhaps, though, you are wrestling with the thought, ‘If I don’t marry him, I may not have a second chance.’ As an article in Teen magazine put it, a girl might reason: “He’s not ‘the one,’ but at least he’s someone—and you really don’t want to be alone.” Admittedly, the longing for companionship is strong. Properly satisfying this desire, however, means more than having just anyone by your side. It involves finding someone whom you can truly love and who is capable of fulfilling the Scriptural responsibilities of marriage. (Ephesians 5:33) So do not be quick to settle for a mate! Many have come to regret marrying hastily.

Finally, some may continue dating even when it is clear that a young man has serious flaws. ‘If I give him a little more time,’ they reason, ‘he may change.’ Is this really sensible? After all, poor habits and patterns of behavior are often strongly entrenched and extremely difficult to change. And even if he makes some sudden and dramatic changes, can you really be sure that these changes are permanent? In one such situation, a young woman named Karen wisely decided to break things off with a young man when she realized that they did not share the same goals. “It was hard,” she admits, “because I was physically attracted to him. But I knew it was the right thing to do.”

Handle With Care

Admittedly, turning someone down is no easy task. Like a package with a delicate item inside, the situation must be handled with care. Here are a few suggestions that might prove helpful.
Discuss the matter with your parents or with another mature one in the congregation. They might be able to help you determine if your expectations are perhaps a bit unrealistic.

Be clear and direct. Leave no room for doubt in his mind as to how you feel. Simply saying “No thanks” will discourage most would-be suitors. If necessary, state your refusal in stronger terms, such as, “I’m sorry, but I’m really not interested.” Be careful not to give the impression that you might change your mind with a little more persistence on his part. Making it clear that you have no romantic feelings for him should prevent any confusion and make it easier for him to get over his disappointment.

Balance honesty with tactfulness. Proverbs 12:18 states: “There exists the one speaking thoughtlessly as with the stabs of a sword.” While being forthright is important, the Bible says that our utterances must be “with graciousness, seasoned with salt.”—Colossians 4:6.

Stick to your decision. Well-intentioned friends, who likely know little of the reasons behind your decision, may pressure you to give the relationship another chance. But ultimately you have to live with your decision—not your well-meaning friends.

Act in harmony with your words. Formerly the two of you may have been good friends, and it is only natural to wish that things could go back to the way they were. But usually that is neither practical nor possible. His feelings for you have become romantic. Is it realistic to think that he can simply ignore those feelings and pretend that nothing has happened? So while it is obviously better for you to treat each other cordially, regularly talking on the phone or spending a lot of time together in social situations will likely only fuel his misery. It could amount to toying with his emotions, and that would not be kind on your part.

The apostle Paul urged Christians to “speak truth” with one another. (Ephesians 4:25) Doing so may be hard, but it may help you both to move on with your lives.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A SOUL MATE

 Is it customary where you live for a person to choose his or her own marriage mate? If so, how should you proceed if you find someone of the opposite sex attractive? First, ask yourself, ‘Is marriage really my intention?’ It is cruel to play with another person’s emotions by raising false expectations. (Proverbs 13:12) Then, ask yourself, ‘Am I in a position to get married?’ If the answer to both questions is positive, the steps you take next will vary depending on local custom.

In some lands, after observing for a while, you might approach the person and express a desire to get better acquainted. If the response is negative, do not persist to the point of being objectionable. Remember, the other person also has a right to make a decision in the matter. If, however, the response is positive, you may arrange to spend time together in wholesome activities. This will give you an opportunity to see whether marriage to this person would be wise. What should you look for at this stage?

 To answer that question, imagine two musical instruments, perhaps a piano and a guitar. If they are correctly tuned, either one can produce beautiful solo music. Yet, what happens if these instruments are played together? Now they must be in tune with each other. It is similar with you and a prospective mate. Each of you may have worked hard to “tune” your personality traits as individuals. But the question now is: Are you in tune with each other? In other words, are you compatible?

 It is important that both of you have common beliefs and principles. The apostle Paul wrote: “Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers.” (2 Corinthians 6:14; 1 Corinthians 7:39) Marriage to someone who does not share your faith in God makes it more likely that there will be severe disharmony. On the other hand, a mutual devotion to Jehovah God is the strongest basis for unity. Jehovah wants you to be happy and to enjoy the closest possible bond with the person you marry. He wants you to be bound to Him and to each other by a threefold bond of love.—Ecclesiastes 4:12.

 While worshiping God together is the most important aspect of unity, more is involved. To be attuned to each other, you and your prospective mate should have similar goals. What are your goals? For example, how do you both feel about having children? What things have the first place in your life? (Matthew 6:33) In a truly successful marriage, the couple are good friends and enjoy each other’s company. (Proverbs 17:17) For this, they need to have interests in common.

It is difficult to sustain a close friendship—much less a marriage—when this is not the case. Still, if your prospective partner enjoys a particular activity, such as hiking, and you do not, does that mean that the two of you should not get married? Not necessarily. Perhaps you share other, more important interests. Moreover, you might give happiness to your prospective partner by sharing in wholesome activities because the other person enjoys them.—Acts 20:35.

 Indeed, to a large degree, compatibility is determined by how adaptable both of you are rather than by how identical you are. Instead of asking, “Do we agree on everything?” some better questions might be: “What happens when we disagree? Can we discuss matters calmly, according each other respect and dignity? Or do discussions often deteriorate into heated arguments?” (Ephesians 4:29, 31) If you want to get married, be wary of anyone who is proud and opinionated, never willing to compromise, or who constantly demands and schemes to have his or her own way.

FIND OUT BEFOREHAND

 In the Christian congregation, those who are entrusted with responsibility are to be “tested as to fitness first.” (1 Timothy 3:10) You too can employ this principle. For example, a woman might ask, “What kind of reputation does this man have? Who are his friends? Does he display self-control? How does he treat elderly persons? What kind of family does he come from? How does he interact with them? What is his attitude toward money? Does he abuse alcoholic beverages? Is he temperamental, even violent? What congregation responsibilities does he have, and how does he handle them? Could I deeply respect him?”—Leviticus 19:32; Proverbs 22:29; 31:23; Ephesians 5:3-5, 33; 1 Timothy 5:8; 6:10; Titus 2:6, 7.

 A man might ask, “Does this woman display love and respect for God? Is she capable of caring for a home? What will her family expect of us? Is she wise, industrious, thrifty? What does she talk about? Is she genuinely concerned about the welfare of others, or is she self-centered, a busybody? Is she trustworthy? Is she willing to submit to headship, or is she stubborn, perhaps even rebellious?”—Proverbs 31:10-31; Luke 6:45; Ephesians 5:22, 23; 1 Timothy 5:13; 1 Peter 4:15.

 Do not forget that you are dealing with an imperfect descendant of Adam, not some idealized hero or heroine out of a romance novel. Everyone has shortcomings, and some of these will have to be overlooked—both yours and those of your prospective partner. (Romans 3:23; James 3:2) Further, a perceived weakness can present an opportunity to grow. For example, suppose during your courtship you have an argument. Consider: Even people who love and respect each other disagree at times. (Compare Genesis 30:2; Acts 15:39.) Could it be that both of you simply need to ‘restrain your spirit’ a little more and learn how to settle matters more peacefully? (Proverbs 25:28) Does your prospective mate show a desire to improve? Do you? Could you learn to be less sensitive, less touchy? (Ecclesiastes 7:9) Learning to resolve problems can establish a pattern of honest communication that is essential if the two of you do get married.—Colossians 3:13.

 What, though, if you notice things that trouble you deeply? Such doubts should be considered carefully. However romantic you may feel or however anxious you may be to get married, do not close your eyes to serious faults. (Proverbs 22:3; Ecclesiastes 2:14) If you have a relationship with someone about whom you have serious reservations, it is wise to discontinue the relationship and to refrain from making a lasting commitment to that person.

KEEP YOUR COURTSHIP HONORABLE

 How can you keep your courtship honorable? First, make sure that your moral conduct is above reproach. Where you live, is holding hands, kissing, or embracing considered appropriate behavior for unmarried couples? Even if such expressions of affection are not frowned upon, they should be allowed only when the relationship has reached a point where marriage is definitely planned. Be careful that displays of affection do not escalate into unclean conduct or even fornication. (Ephesians 4:18, 19; compare Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:6; 8:5, 9, 10.)

Because the heart is treacherous, both of you would be wise to avoid being isolated in a house, an apartment, a parked automobile, or anywhere else that would give opportunity for wrong conduct. (Jeremiah 17:9) Keeping your courtship morally clean gives clear evidence that you have self-control and that you put unselfish concern for the other person’s welfare ahead of your own desires. Most important, a clean courtship will please Jehovah God, who commands his servants to abstain from uncleanness and fornication.—Galatians 5:19-21.

 Second, an honorable courtship also includes honest communication. As your courtship progresses toward marriage, certain matters will need to be discussed openly. Where will you live? Will both of you work secularly? Do you want to have children? Also, it is only fair to reveal things, perhaps in one’s past, that could affect the marriage. These may include major debts or obligations or health matters, such as any serious disease or condition you may have. Since many persons who are infected with HIV (the virus that causes AIDS) show no immediate symptoms, it would not be wrong for an individual or for caring parents to request an AIDS blood test of one who has in the past engaged in sexual promiscuity or was an intravenous drug user. If the test proves positive, the infected person should not pressure the intended mate to continue the relationship if that one now wishes to terminate it. Really, anyone who has engaged in a high-risk life-style would do well to submit voluntarily to an AIDS blood test before beginning a courtship.

LOOKING BEYOND THE WEDDING

 Remember that your wedding lasts just one day, but your marriage lasts a lifetime. Avoid concentrating too much on the act of getting married. Instead, look to Jehovah God for guidance, and plan ahead for a life of being married. Then you will have prepared well for a successful marriage.

What Should A Girl Do If A Boy Says No To Her Proposer ?

YOU thought of him as a friend. But then he caught your attention in a different way. Perhaps it was his good manners or the way he smiled at you when he spoke that drew you to him. In any event, time passed, and he failed to express any romantic interest. So you decided to ask him if he wanted to go beyond being just friends. To your deep disappointment, he kindly but firmly said no.

Naturally, you are hurt. But do not overreact; try to see things in proper perspective. Yes, a young man has said that he is not interested in a romantic relationship with you. Remember, his decision does not change your worth as a person, nor does it negate the fact that others continue to love and respect you. In fact, his decision may have less to do with you than it does with the young man’s own personal goals and priorities.

If you are a Christian, you may remember, too, that “God is not unrighteous so as to forget your work and the love you showed for his name.” (Hebrews 6:10) Sonja puts it this way: “You are still valuable. You are an asset to Jehovah as a single person.” Since the Most High and others highly esteem you, why should you lose your self-respect?

You may still feel like a failure or fear that you may not be marriage material. But just because you do not appear to be “right” for this young man at this time does not rule out your being “just right” for someone else. (Judges 14:3) So rather than view your search for a suitable marriage mate as a failure, recognize that your efforts have yielded one beneficial result: You’ve learned that this young man is not for you. Why do we say this?

Was He Right for You?
The Bible commands husbands to “be loving their wives as their own bodies.” (Ephesians 5:28) It also commands husbands to ‘assign honor’ to their wives. (1 Peter 3:7) Now in this case, the young man may very well appreciate you as a friend. But by saying no, he has shown, in effect, that he is not prepared at this time to love and honor you as his wife. He had the right to make that choice. Think about it: If that is how he feels, would he really be a suitable husband for you? Imagine your unhappiness if you married someone who did not love you and cherish you as the Scriptures direct!
It may also help to take another look at this young man, now that your hopes for a romantic relationship will not be realized. Sometimes infatuation blinds one to personal or spiritual flaws that may be obvious to others. For example, was he unaware of your growing feelings for him, or did he knowingly encourage your feelings to grow by continued association with you? If the latter was the case, might it not indicate that he is not ready to be a considerate, empathetic Christian husband? If so, it is good that you found that out, painful though it may be.

Marcia’s emotions were aroused when a young man began showing her special attention. When she asked him about his intentions, he told her that he was not interested in a relationship with her. What helped her to deal with the disappointment? She says, “Thinking with my brain, not my heart, has helped me handle my feelings.” Recalling the Bible’s requirements for husbands helped her to realize that he simply did not measure up. This helped her to overcome her sadness.

Andrea had a similar experience with a young man. She later realized that his actions toward her revealed a lack of maturity. She came to see that he was not ready for marriage, and she is grateful that Jehovah opened her eyes to that fact. She says, “I believe that Jehovah can protect you from circumstances that can hurt you, but you have to trust Him.” Of course, in many cases a young man conducts himself well and says no for honorable reasons. In any case, how can you cope with the feelings that result?

What You Can Do About Your Feelings

Your heart may need time to absorb the fact that he has said no. Your affection for him developed over time, and reversing that process likewise requires time. Rarely can romantic feelings be turned off like an electric light. On some days they may seem overwhelming! Be patient with yourself. As time passes, so will those feelings. But if you want those feelings to disappear more quickly, avoid things that feed them.

For example, resist second-guessing yourself by reviewing your every word and gesture when you revealed your feelings to the young man. If you do not restrain such thoughts, you may end up believing that he did not really mean no or that trying a different approach might work. Face the fact that you cannot change how he feels. In all likelihood, no matter how you approached him, his answer would have been the same.

Daydreaming can be another snare. You conjure up a mental picture in which the two of you live happily ever after. Those reveries may seem soothing, but they are not real. When they end, your sense of loss reappears and with it your agony. This cycle of pleasure followed by unbearable pain may go on for a long time unless you try hard to stop it.

Work to push daydreams out of your mind. When they begin, get up and take a walk. Do a physical task—something to get your thoughts moving in another direction. Concentrate on things that build you up, not things that depress you. (Philippians 4:8) This can be difficult at first, but in time, you will win the battle and find peace.

The support of close friends can help. (Proverbs 17:17) However, Sonja gives this caution: “It is not good if your friends are all single, of the same age, and desirous of getting married. You also need older friends, who can help you to keep things in perspective.” And remember, there is someone who can be of even greater help in overcoming your pain.

Jehovah—A Friend and Support

When one faithful man in ancient times faced disappointment, he prayed to Jehovah for help. The result? He wrote: “Whenever I am anxious and worried, you comfort me and make me glad.” (Psalm 94:19, Today’s English Version) Jehovah will comfort and sustain you too if you pray to him in faith. Andrea did so. She says, “Prayer is so important to help you get over the pain and move on.” Sonja likewise says regarding prayer, “It helps you to have self-worth that does not depend on whether others like you or reject you.”

No human can fully understand your feelings, but Jehovah does. He created humans with the desire to share love in marriage. He knows the power of romantic attraction, and he knows how to control it. He can help you overcome great pain of heart, for 1 John 3:20 says: “God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.”

Keep Your Balance

Marriage can be a source of great happiness, but it is not the only source. Joy comes to all who serve Jehovah, and married people have no monopoly on it. In some ways, single ones have certain advantages over those who are married. They do not suffer the “tribulation in their flesh” mentioned at 1 Corinthians 7:28. This tribulation refers to the stresses and strains experienced by all married couples. Single people also have more personal freedom and can more easily use their lives in Jehovah’s service. Hence, the Bible teaches: “He . . . that gives his virginity in marriage does well, but he that does not give it in marriage will do better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38) Even if you have a strong desire to marry, meditating on these Bible teachings can help you to keep your balance and to make the most of your present circumstances.

Some well-meaning friends may tell you, “Don’t worry, one day you will find someone wonderful.” And it is true that your having suffered one rejection hardly means that you will always be alone. Still, a young Christian woman named Candace reasons this way: “I do trust Jehovah. I don’t necessarily expect him to give me a husband to make me happy. But I know that he will give me what I need to fill that void.” Thinking in this positive vein has helped her to overcome romantic disappointment.
Attempts at romance often fail in this world, but so do many marriages. If you put your trust in Jehovah and obey his counsel, he can help you to replace disappointment with joy. You can have an experience like that of King David, who wrote: “O Jehovah, in front of you is all my desire, and from you my sighing itself has not been concealed. For on you, O Jehovah, I waited; you yourself proceeded to answer, O Jehovah my God.”—Psalm 38:9, 15.

Who Should Be The One To Declare That He Or She Is In Love—The Man Or The Woman?

He is someone you’ve recently met or possibly someone you have known for a while—and you would like him to be more than a friend. You are convinced that he feels the same way and that he is just too scared or shy to say anything. So you wonder if it might be a good idea for you to make the first move.
Before going further, let us first think about the feelings of the people around you—those in your family and in your community. For example, does local custom say that it is your parents’ job to find you a mate? Granted, you might feel that courtship and marriage are personal matters. Still, Christians try to avoid causing needless offense to others. They also want to consider the feelings of family members and loved ones.

In many lands today, though, it is quite normal for couples to come together by their own choice in order to court before deciding whether to marry. Would it be wrong for the woman to take the initiative by expressing romantic interest in the man? Again, feelings of family and community might enter the picture. Would that course of action shock or offend many?

What further light does the Bible shed on the question of whether a woman could properly take the initiative? In Bible times a God-fearing woman named Ruth approached a man named Boaz about marriage. And Jehovah God blessed her efforts! (Ruth 3:1-13) Of course, Ruth was no child; she was a widow, obviously old enough to marry. Nor was she frivolous or flirtatious with Boaz. Instead, she closely followed God’s laws on marriage.—Deuteronomy 25:5-10.

Perhaps you are old enough to consider marriage, and there is a certain young man you are interested in. Even so, opening your heart to someone who may not feel the same way is a delicate, risky matter. It is like taking your heart and putting it in someone else’s hands. Will he handle it tenderly or drop it on the ground? The best way to avoid unnecessary embarrassment or emotional devastation is to follow Bible principles.

Act With Shrewdness
It is easy to get caught up in romantic daydreams. You might even picture your wedding day and beyond. However, while reveries of this sort may be enjoyable, they are illusions. They can produce overwhelming desires that you have no means of satisfying. As the Bible says, “expectation postponed is making the heart sick.” (Proverbs 13:12) Daydreams can also distort your judgment. However, Proverbs 14:15 says: “The shrewd one considers his steps.” Being shrewd means having common sense and sound judgment. How can you be shrewd in the realm of romance?

First, try to “act with knowledge.” (Proverbs 13:16) As one young woman put it, “you really cannot love a person until you get to know him.” Before offering your heart to someone, pay attention to what he does and how he speaks. Observe how he treats people. “Ask his friends about him, adults who know him well,” suggests one young man. Is he “well reported on” by those in his Christian congregation? (Acts 16:2) Also, suggests a young woman named Isabel, “going out in groups and getting to know his family can be very helpful.” Group settings allow you to observe without being under a lot of pressure.

Getting to know someone in this way takes time and patience. But it will enable you to see attitudes, traits, and qualities that will either confirm your feelings or cause your feelings to change. Proverbs 20:11 states: “Even by his practices a boy [or young man] makes himself recognized as to whether his activity is pure and upright.” Yes, sooner or later his actions will reveal what he is inside.
Therefore, wisely stifle the temptation to push ahead and reveal your feelings prematurely. If you are hasty and he responds favorably, you may find out later that he is unsuitable as a marriage mate. Having committed yourself, your ending the relationship may hurt the young man—perhaps deeply.

The Impression You Make

This young man may very well be observing you too! Are you presenting yourself in a way that lets your godly qualities shine? “I’ve noticed that a lot of girls do not dress appropriately,” says Isabel. “If you want a spiritually inclined person to notice you, you have to dress modestly.” Regardless of what the fashion world may dictate, adorning yourself “in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind,” will make you more attractive to a godly man.—1 Timothy 2:9.

The Bible also encourages young Christians to be “an example . . . in speaking.” (1 Timothy 4:12) The way you speak reveals a great deal about you. What should you do when opportunities arise to converse with the young man? If he is shy, he may be uneasy and nervous. A young woman named Abbie says, “You may have to start the conversation to see how he reacts.”

How? If you chatter nonstop about yourself, he might well conclude that you are self-centered and shallow. The Bible recommends “keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just your own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of the others.” (Philippians 2:4) Asking a few appropriate questions about him or his interests may help him to open up a bit.

This is no time to resort to a “tricky tongue” or the “false lips” of flattery. (Psalm 120:2) A discerning man will see through such speech as insincere. At the same time, avoid saying things just because you think he wants to hear them. This is especially true if your conversations take a more serious turn and you begin discussing such things as your personal spiritual goals. Always be yourself, by being sincere, truthful, and genuine. Only then can you know if your lives are heading in the same direction.

If There Is No Response

What, though, if in spite of such modest efforts, no romantic spark is ignited? Perhaps several weeks—or months—have gone by and he still expresses no interest in you. Should you simply brush that off as shyness? You might ask yourself: ‘If he is really that timid, is he ready for marriage? If I were to marry him, would he be able to take the lead as family head, or would he expect me to do so?’ (1 Corinthians 11:3) Another question to ponder, ‘Is he really shy or simply not interested in me romantically?’ The latter would be a painful conclusion to draw. But facing it could spare you the embarrassment of revealing romantic feelings to someone who simply doesn’t feel the way you do.
You may feel that you have seen evidence of romantic interest. You feel that he is simply too slow about expressing it and that he would respond to a little encouragement. Perhaps. But if you decide to take the initiative, you must realize that this is risky. You should give a lot of thought to not only what you will say but also what might be the right time to say it.

You may decide, for example, that to indicate that you welcome his attention would be better than blurting out that you are “in love.” In a relaxed and appropriate setting, you could simply say that you would like to know him better. Don’t worry if your expressions seem a little clumsy. The sincere feelings behind your words may say far more than the words themselves. Remember, too, you are only expressing a desire to begin a courtship, not proposing marriage. Even so, this may surprise him, so allow him time to absorb what you have said.

If you have truly come to know this young man and have seen for yourself that he is kind and considerate, you do not need to fear a nasty reaction or humiliation. But how should you react if his answer is a kind but firm no? And how should a young man behave in such a situation? A future article will consider these questions.